The Institute’s Scienticians, c. 1903

Our Team of Experts

Founder

Magda Hesketh-Dorleac

Director Emeritus

Hammacher Hesketh-Dorleac

Director of Scienceonomy

• Aldous Thistleton Lambshanks

Director of Operations

• Bub Dottington

Director of Technology

• Alina Swackhammer

Director of Innovation

• Rocco Polanco

Director of Data

• Horatius Cockles

Director of Human Resources

• Christian Sidehugs

Forecaster of Emergent Events

• Niven McVicar

Corporate Mythology Officer

• Ballard Berkeley

Senior Gravitronomists

• Dr. Prof. Spencer Howard
• Dr. Prof. Sam Hunter
• Dr. Prof. Claire Kaplan
• Dr. Prof. Nathan Turner

Department of Humorology

• Alcibiades Snout, chairperson
• Sigrid Steiner-Sturtschturdt
• Valentine Aguecheek
• Dr. Timandra Faulconbridge
• Leonine Oatcake

Center for Theoretical and Applied Geonomics

• Dr. Jónar Sørensen, director of research
• Dr. Victor Leal
• Dr. Silvia Monmarques
• Dr. Yvonne Cavalcanti
• Dr. Sap Bnth

Department of Electromagnetic Biomestry

• Dr. Edward Nedwin Wendward, director of research
• Dr. Donna Blackstone
• Dr. Johann Sebastian Bock
• Dr. Yevgeny Wayne
• Dr. Stig Catmull, III

Renata Del Vecchio Memorial Laboratory for Amphigenetic Research

• Dr. Ovsanna Del Vecchio, counselor
• Dr. Dixon d’Urby
• Dr. Lamar Helmsley
• Dr. Eleuterio Sinicropi
• Prof. Percival Pimentel

Neuroimmunonologic Gene Expression Laboratory

• Dr. Hep’ot’ Bashloevy, tribune
• Dr. Giacopo Penzo
• Dr. Hazel Nutt
• Dr. Juan Bomb
• Dr. Lariis Vetuu

Adjunct Scienticians

• Prof. Oe Hatsuyo
• Prof. Hiram Cowgill
• Dr. Tabitha de Primo de Claro
• Prof. Grażyna Chrabołowska

Central Works Council

• Walburga Woop, chairperson
• Heiko Fritsch
• Rear Adm. Donald Söderström
• Ebenezer Wellington-Bullock, Jr., OBE
• Perdita Bottom

Novice Biometricists

• Bim Poku
• Hwa Jong Su
• Vitruvia Smythe
• Elmer Zamuda
• Rocko Söüp
• Harold Liebstraum
• Jytte Ulriksdóttir
• Bob Fionnghalaigh

Interns

• Trench Coxe
• Periss Drell
• Áed MaoilSeachlainn
• Harvey McGarvey
• Aarti Haas
• Veitor Aboullaite
• Ali Kanchibhatta

Teaching Assistants

• Gert Post
• Dewey Bachmann
• Lehman Gross-Bahn
• Ellie Ott-Ness
• Stephen Szeto-Sczesny

Journeyman Inertiametrcists

• Dr. Lee Mann
• Dr. Annabelle Clumber
• Dante Snyder-Gershkovich
• Tunde St. Germain-Palermo

Director of Communications

• Marcus Thornwood

Stochastic Process Actuary

• F. Wala-Engelbrecht Staudenmaier, ARM, CRM, CIC

Historian

• Dr. Malcolm A. MacDougal

Staff Psychologist

• H. H. Von Voltimand, Psy.D.

Judge Advocate General

• Oona Okana

Judge Advocate Specific

• Bhumibol Vongsawad, Esq.

Compliance and Corruption Prevention

• Dr. Svenne Lengelenne

Ombudsperson

• Belinda Dort-Hurlockerhonkson

Hazardous Goods Coordinator

• Guntram Rupp

Empirical Aesthetician

• Francesco Fritz-Franz Freeling

Director of Marketing

• Adrian Wapcaplet

Headhunter

• Garfield Gatz

Public Relations

• Olly Ball

Private Relations

• Rutland D’Oyly-Carte

Press Secretary

• Jason Jacuzzi

Director of Morale

• Becky Areola

de facto Scriba

• Bebette Ionescu

Companion Extraordinary of the Privy Council

• Masuyama Kimi

Herald

• Todd Ustick Onderdonk

Censor

• Jon le Deutsch

Sergeants-at-Arms

• Lt. Col. Martin Dumont Vroom
• Commodore Drey Bench, ret.

Keeper of the Halls

• Cora H. Pendleton-Twain

Admiral of the Fleet

• Sir Cloudesley Shovell

Coxswain

• Archibald Bazalgette, M.D.

Equerry

• Svante Nilsson Sture the Younger

Quartermaster

• Conrad von Pyhy

Symposiarch

• Fredericka de Lennox de Bethune

Leader of the Opposition

• “Bill” Guillaume Wilhelm Uilleam Williams 

Lady Usher of the Orange Rod

• Elizabeta Sonntag-Domingo

Prelate

• Barnaby Barnabas

Aide-de-Camp

• Juan Sebastian de Todos de los Santos de Encarnación

Justiciar

• Räbit Möxämmätša

Magister Eqitum

• Baron-Chaplain Siro Kadrievski Markovnikov

Whip

• Benjamin Treadwell Astor, Sr., Esq. IV

Comptroller

• Villy “T-Bone” Høj

Consulate Conservator

• Ferdinand Alois Lodewijk-Maria Nguyen 

Grand Lever of Alchemy

• Titus Cone

Adjutant Advocate

• Sheldon Dibble, J.D.

Grammarian

• Veronica Victoria de Waldorf-Astoria

Elocutionist

• Stede Zeb

People’s Commissioner

• Robert Saddington

Scutarius

• Wolfram von Eschenbach

Staff Photographer

• Mac Cream

Cartographer

• Maddox Braxton-Hix

Bagman

• Roger Manwood

Body Man

• Henry Lescrope

Impresario

• Pedro de Alcântara Francisco António João Carlos Xavier de Paula Miguel Rafael Joaquim José Gonzaga Pascoal Cipriano Serafim Smith

Prestidigitator

• Simon Ebenezebub

Ingéneur

• Krill Hammer

Tree Surgeon

• Douglas Fir

Manager of Opposition Business

• The Rt. Hon. Marvin Dingle

Catering

• Feardomhnach Mac Giolla Chomhghai

Farrier

• ᚠᚱᚬᚾᚴ ᛋᛘᛁᚦ

Seer

• Grigori Rasputin, Jr.

Clerk of the Closet

• Cyrus Piddlypinks

Geneticist

• Cliff Accident

Fan-Bearer

• Cuthbert Dimwitch

Painter and Limner

• Percival Nimbleshanks

Best Boy

• Pelle Saavedra

Worst Boy

• Edgar Dork

Archzealot

• Cleve Schott

Patroon

• Paula Pinto

Mountaineer

• Copernicus Birch

Bomb Disposal

• Mick Donald Frentsch Frye

Permanent Terrirtorial Apostolic

• Fifi Moon

Chaplains

• The Reverend Sigismund von Herbinstein
• The Very Reverend Girolamo Cardeño
• The Most Reverend Eddie Large

Protosyncellus

• Candy Banjo

Honorary Prince-Bishop

• Whoopi Zealand

Envoy

• Blanche Du Boise

Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary

• Zip Beep

Mage

• Clodomiro Bardolphus the Ever-Watchful

Chargé d’Affaires

• Gunthard Bodobert

Premier Master of the Scullery and Larder

• Graham McCrackers

Persuivant of Arms (Honorary)

• Randy Pratt

Privy Purse

• Ruby Laffoon

High Almoner

• Humbert Candlewax

Apothecary

• Dr. Zizi Utu, KCVO, MD, BM, BCh, DM, FRCP, Gmaj7(♭5)

Poet Laureate

• Bogey Hallþórsdóttir

Seneschal

• Chris Cheese

Pantler

• Alastair Szymankowszczyzna

Majordomo

• Rebecca Fonseca

Groom of the Stool

• Paddy Pickerill-Wind

Grand Panetier

• Tyne Knott

Falconer

• Sqn. Ldr. Trixiebelle Furssendonn-Wood

Hostarius

• Dust Redevivia, DD, LLD

Cup-Bearer

• Thor Wrather

Spiritualist

• Usapia Palladino

Illusionist

• Romidgius Slade

Skeptic

• Cindy-Dawne Dexter

General Counsel

• Constance Steinkuehler, Esq.

Confessor

• Peez Härmälä

Lord Warden of the Marches

• Kitto Carne

Horticulturalist

• Wynn DeWitt DeWalt

Brand Ambassador

• Lord Lanolin Chestycoughs

Cutler

• Birgit Thyssen-Bornemisza

Sandwich Artist

• Harry Salad

Taste Tester

• Qwerty McCoy

Official Portrait Artist

• Harland Polycastro

Shepherd

• Leslie Fishcake

Bootlegger

• Tweep Thwaite

Barber

• David Zest

Barber-Dentist

• Burbengary Younghusband

Stationmaster

• Richard Glue

First Officer of the Watch

• Bat Masterson

Stage Manager

• Samuel Hartopp-Knapp

Chief Engineer

• Roderick Random

Carpenter

• Al Sunshine

Consigliere

• Monica Wombat

Bard

• Kimberly Legg

Pure Finder

• Carlovac Townway

Funeral Mute

• Eddie Peaze

Tosher

• Rudy Bamboo

Rat Catcher

• Billy Marbles

Costermonger

• Wendy Crab

Mercantile Servant

• Dink Prescott 

UX/UI QA

• Bree Burp

Favourite

• Sir Christopher Meddlicutt 

Cardinal-Nephew

• Clotworthy Skeffington

Gonfalonier

• Cmdr. Reginald Geek

Apostolic Internuncio

• Skip Thistle

Permanent Observer

• Puffin Asquith

Stonemason

• Stiffy Bingham-Smartley

Bailiff

• Phil Pot

Constable

• Toby Jug

Rector

• Peter Muffin

Scribe

• Broccolini Bugliosi

Sacristan (Honorary)

• Cardinal Dean Twangy

Beadle

• Townsend Whitaker Spaulding

Precentor

• Chambliss Portalington

Canon

• Nathan Caldera

First Condottiero

• Torquato Di Pipi

Podesta

• Jan Cramblebatt

Clown

• Sir Allan Fitz-Tightly

Grand Vizier

• Delaware Jones

Dragoman

• Lord Malcolm Hot-Egg

Grand Logothete

• Vivian Pickles

Eunuch

• Lemuel Gengulphus Trotter

Postmaster

• Edith Splatt

Staff Physician

• Dr. Jacques du Pee, MD

Dialect Coach

• Merrick McMenamin

Attaché

• Jackie Snadd

Hostler

• Clancy P. Baclaratt

Senior Gerontologist

• Frooj Freem

Sommelier

• Dark Kevin

Master of Requests

• Celso Manriquez Wrenn

Head of Janitorial

• Geoff Schrempf, MFA, D.Sc., Ph.D., D.Litt

Board of Directors

Chairperson of the Board

• Florence Hesketh-Dorleac

Board of Directors

• Kapustina Nymphadora Anatolievna
• Abdelkader Benmansour
• Taline Dergevorkian
• Prof. Laëtitia Charpentier de Bourbon-Conti
• Dorothea Meat
• Sir Bertram Fitzwater-Ashpole, 5th Baron Fitzwater-Ashpole
• Reuben Henriques
• Xu Huiqing
• Kalikohemolele Kalawai’a
• Isaïes Mocolau
• Dr. Jónar Sørensen
• Gomer Ray-Gus III
• Armin Sutro, Jr.

The Gravitronomic Chamber Orchestra

Music Director

Rodney Rodman “Hod Rod” Rodwell

Concertmaster

• Passamelia Gil-Schwenk

Organist

• Edgar Wheeze

First Chair Theremin

• Siobhan Jokelsizer

Second Chair Theremin

• Linus Ramanganoora

Contrabass Balalaika

• Smolyaninova Chebutykin

Stylophone

• Degory Crummey

Sarrusophone

• Natanaël Gwenaël Jacquemoud

Saxarrusophone

• L’ubica Hrjacová

Adaistophone

• Mizmar Nadaswaram

Heckelphone

• Tárogató de Caccia

Crumhorn

• Zurna Hirtenschalmei 

Rackett

• Pom Kortholt

Dulcian

• Sopila Piffero

Rauschpfeife

• Shawm Birbyne

Cimbalom

• Nagy Noel

Crwth

• Wmffre Islwyn Bloyd

Cannon

• Fergus Garthnac

Washboard

• Picasso Nuts

Glockenspiel

• Benedikt Bischoffshausen-Zippe

Glass Armonica

• Afra Hariri

Tromboon

• Quag Polder

B-flat Qop

• Clark Puckett

Baritone Saisoza

• Roibertte MacIllianain

Tenor Saisoza

• Burl Bub

Tandem Jun-Jun Drums

• Theodoric Vercingetorix XIII
• Leo Heaps

Bruck’s Auto-Lute

• Bruck ter-Schegget

Piano Tuner

• Crichton Buxton

Viola

• Greg Elbow

The Inertiametric Tabernacle Chorale

Chorus Master

Myrtle Perkins

Sopranos

• Ethelridge Blucklehurst
• Dorcas Corcas
• Renata Littlechild
• Lena Buckflower

Altos

• Jessica Swithenbank
• Solange Foto
• Maïté Gauterot
• Ondy Reese

Tenors

• Stu Kokko
• Koda Rachmaninoff
• Albert Quorm
• Curry Mallet

Basses

• Malachai Pierrehumbert
• François Chastel
• Charles Wentworth Gilk
• Lew Guy

Contralto

• Sepp Blatter

Soubrette

• Crim Deadly

Haute-contre

• Dilgett Verk

Heldentenor

• Daggoo Bamboo

Throat Singer

• Murray Dolphin

Cante Jando

• Harry Legg

Yodelers

• Percy Pursehouse
• Floyd McCoy, Jr.
• Kay Collie
• Craig Twang

Barbershop Quartet

• Jep Swenson
• Edard Shakelady
• Wade Birmingham
• Archie McMinty